He's back...

Right.

I'm back. Alive still. Depressed still. Undertaking CBT.

One of the useful things to do is to keep a diary.

So, here we go.

Today was a good day overall. A long way from home, working away, but will be home tomorrow to see all my angels. So that's all positive!

So, it seems (from my start on the CBT path to health, happiness and the meaning of life) that I need to start looking for the positives in life, and dwelling less on the negatives. Jolly easy to say, a little trickier to do.

So, today, rather than thinking what does the boss want now for goodness sake, I tried to think, what help does he need to allow him to manage this particular problem or issue... Not perfect, but I actually feel a bit brighter this evening and a bit more positive about life. So, as a reminder, when I feel down, I thought I'd start by listing the positives in life.

Nicky and the girls
Happily married to wonderful woman that I love.
Car is OK at the moment
Job - although I'm away from home 3 days a week, I am at home the other 4, and the job isn't bad and the money is OK.
Christmas - holiday in the sun over Christmas to look forward to
Banjo playing is fun
Looking forward to the weekend with my girls
And Tom the dog...
Not smoking - vaping instead and that feels a lot better.


Things to work on:-

Rebuilding relationship with Sophie who seems to have felt a bit alienated since Nicky and I got married
In-Laws - more on that another time.
Be more forgiving of other people's foibles and foolishness (in my opinion)
Spend more time doing quality things with family
Find time to do quality things for me (other than watching TV and sitting on the sofa)


Stop going over the recent and distant past. Raking up things that I would do differently now won't change what happened at the time. Move on.


So, good things today:-

Had a nice breakfast in the hotel (toast and marmalade, two glasses of orange and a coffee)
Decent day at work - a few small tasks achieved.
A decent chat with a couple of my staff.
A decent chat with the big boss
Good recall of facts to refute some supplier silliness


Good things to look forward to tomorrow:-

Breakfast!
A couple of meetings at work that are likely to be a bit fractious, but I am prepared and have all the facts at my fingertips.
Good position on the project - from us (the customer) being rather letting the team down, to us being in a good place and actually it's now the supplier that can't cope!
Good facts to apply pressure for more resources from them.
Then, late afternoon, heading off back home. Getting back for 7:30 to see my girls when they land back from Nanny & Granddad, and work, respectively...

So, lots of things to think positively about, without being Pollyanna (I hope). Fewer things to worry about than I imagine most of the time.

No point worrying about the unchangeable past. Let the past bury its dead and move on.

He's Back?

Hellooooo...

To anyone out there. Not posted for a long time. Not really had the inclination I'm afraid. That's not good.

The idea of this blog in the first place was to leave a few tracks in the sand - or silicon - just to show I was once here.

Since last posting - over two years ago a lot has happened. Another beautiful daughter has been born - the two of them will grow up together close in age, and I hope close to each other and be there for each other when I am not.

Until that time they are my main source of delight. I love them both totally and completely.

They are both totally beautiful and a constant joy to me.

I will try to write a little more now - for them, perhaps in years to come, but at the moment I'm still not too well and not ready to write down my thoughts, fears and worries. Perhaps I should and it might help me deal with them. Or perhaps it won't and will just leave ugly footprints in the sand instead of the nice ones I want for my daughters.




My Darling Evelyn Jane




And my darling Elizabeth.

A lovely weekend away

We went off to a site near Banbury this weekend for a short break in the caravan. It's getting easier in the caravan now - as we are getting used to the bigger caravan and where things go in it, and how everything works, so the time to set up is back to under half an hour, and the same to pack up when leaving.

We are also getting used to caravanning with Elizabeth now - she's as good as gold, bless her, and seems to like the change. It was nice when we went home though, as I took her up to bed in her own little bedroom you could see she recognised it as hers by the big beaming smile when I laid her in her cot!

It's odd really - I like going away in the van, but it's always nice to get back home too - and I think Elizabeth sees it that way too! But, when I leave the van at the storage place and drive off I always feel a bit sad that the adventure is over - but I feel the same at night when I close Elizabeth's bedroom door after kissing her goodnight. I just can't wait until the morning when she wakes up and calls me - in I go and she sees me and beams at me! I pick her up and she is starting to really cuddle me now when I do that.

Aren't kids great?

A few pics of our weekend away (for posterity) - I don't suppose anyone actually reads this - but it's theraputic to type it!


This is us on the site.


We also went to Hook Norton - I love that village - I spent some of my formative years there, probably the happiest time of my life as a child. It was a perfect 'Just William' type of existance - no worries and plenty of huge garden to play in, when we weren't playing in the woods and fields.



This is the tower of Hook Norton church - where my brother was christened.

Keep smiling.

Another week bites the dust

Yesterday was the funeral of Veronica, the wife of my very good friend. I read the eulogy in the church. Oddly I found this incredibly nerve wracking. Not sure why as I am quite a confident public speaker generally. I tried to strike a balance of somberness with some humour from her life to lighten the atmosphere a little. It seemed to go down OK.

RIP Veronica.



For me the weekend starts tonight, when we go out with Nick's mum and dad and sister and family for dinner. Not sure where, or whether it's going to be any good, but it's Nick's dad's and sister's birthdays - so this is their treat. We'll enjoy it and have a nice time.

Tomorrow kicks off early as a man is supposed to be coming at 8am to put a new windscreen in the car. To be honest, I'm slightly doubtful that he will arrive before lunchtime, and even more doubtful that he will have the right windscreen with him. Why am I so cynical about these skilled tradespeople? Experience perhaps.

A Weekend away

A busy few days - the death of the wife of a very good friend and weekend away in the caravan.

I've been busy working on the Eulogy for my friend's wife- and that's left me with little time to write on here.

We did have a weekend away in the caravan - in Worksop. Not the first holiday destination you would normally have in mind, but as a base for us to explore the norther part of the Peak District it was OK. I wouldn't particularly recommend Worksop to anyone but it was OK.

Two lovely sunny days - then Sunday - heavy snow for the tow home, which I was worried about. I've never towed a caravan in snow before!

Buy the way - if you click on the photo's it (should) will take you to Flickr where you can see the originals, plus all my other stuff.




But we saw some nice things.



Some sign of spring?



Some beautiful villages.




And some wildlife!

Back in the grind

Monday rolls around only too quickly again.

A nice weekend though - Man turned up as planned to pick up the item he won on eBay and away he went, apparently happy. Result.

I cooked Nicky a nice meal last night for Valentines day - not sure it was as nice as I intended, but it was OK.

Disty is now sampling solid food, and has been having something called baby rice and doing OK with it, so I bought her some Banana and Apple flavoured porridge - as a change, and she's mad for it - polishing off 3 helpings in one sitting yesterday afternoon. It was lovely to see her so keen - leaning forwards each time I took the spoon out of her mouth to scoop some more on! She polished it off then had a little nap - which was good as she wont normally have a nap of an afternoon, but that means she is very tired in the evening and a bit crabby! Last night she was less crabby and was good as gold - off to bed at 7 and slept through to 7:30 this morning.

Bless her!

It's nearly here...

The wekend that is.

Have a chap coming tomorrow to pick up one of the items I sold, and the other has already paid and gone. So that's a result.

I've been agonising for the last couple of days about what to do about/with the server at home. It's sitting in the garage chewing up power and not doing a lot at the moment. OK it's got a couple of terrabytes of data it serves up as and when needed, backups of all my pictures, DVD's/Films and music plus all our documents for the company and personal one. But it's no longer running Exchange, so it's a bit of an over kill I think.

So I've been looking at NAS's - the DROBO with DROBOSHARE looks good, and I have had positive things about them from someone who's got one. But they are a lot of money - even shopping around, by the time you've put some disks in you are looking at the thick end of 600 quid...

I'm sure they are a Rolls Royce solution, but blimey. £600 is a bit steep - for something that will be obsolete in a year. SSD's will get bigger and cheaper and probably be the right answer in a year or two...

So, stuck for the best solution at the moment. All thoughts gratefully received.

Have a good weekend - and don't forget it's Valentines Day on Sunday or you will be in trouble... Despite what they say about it not mattering.

Is that the weekend I can see in the distance?

Just about. Thank $Deity - I really need a break i think, but am not planning on having one this side of April - for lots of reasons - one is that I have too much to do at work (as always) and the other is that the weather is rotten and who wants time off when it's cold and grey?

Picking up a cold at the moment too - a rotten cough - not too bad yet but very productive (as my medical collegues say). Lovely.

Looking for photography courses to book myself on at the moment - once you start researching this it looks like every photographer in the country, at some point, stops taking pictures and starts charging a couple of hundred quid a day for lessons. Some of them seem to make no bones about it - and advertise it as a day walking around outside (wherever they are based - so either countryside or architecture) taking pics and having a pub lunch...

I am after some detailed time in a proper studio - I want to learn more about lighting and posing models than I do about pub lunches or starting your own business. Some of these courses are no more than thinly disguised ways of selling franchises - they even say in the blurb that they prefer people with no experience behind a camera at all and no skill or artistic flair required... Dodgy devils.

Bloomin eBay!

Well - both items sold for decent amounts. But one item suddenly shot up 25% in the last couple of seconds - a bidder with zero feedback and based in the Caymen Islands! Oh joy.

Cancelled the bids from him - (it was for a canal boat) and sold to second chance offer second highest bidder. More messing about than I'd like, but still - it's done and dusted.

Another day, another dollar...

Looks like my sales on eBay are going well - both items have a few hours left and are both already many times whatr I had expected to get for them. Result.

Shame it's so cold outside - bitingly cold, the sort of cold that makes you cold just thinking about it. I would have liked to go somewhere in the caravan this weekend, but I don't think it's going to be possible. There's a good chance the eBay buyers will want to collect a the weekend anyway I suppose. C'est la vie.

Still - spring is coming - it's a way off still, but the snowdrops in the garden are looking beautiful. Hope is in the air.

Just got to keep focussed on finding a new contract for April when this one ends or I'll be penniless!

A busy weekend

Selling a few bits and bobs that I don't think I'll be using for a while on eBay - so I suppose it means I wont ever be using them again if I think about it...

Anyway - I am always amazed at how much things can make on eBay - as long as there is a good write up - in half decent English and not all written in capital letter or mobile 'phone txt spk. So, I am pleased, at the moment, anyway that my things are selling for more than I expected them to.

I'm feeling a bit pressured financially at the moment - current contract is coming to an end soon, and I need to make sure I go straight into another one, and I really can't afford to be lazing around at home when I could be out working. Also need to start really pushing the photography now.

There must be ways of making a bit of money without killing yourself in the process - but I am not sure I have found it if there is.

Any ideas gratefully received!

A lazy ordinary bloke called Simes

Well, despite my best intentions to write something (almost) every day, here we are, weeks having gone by and nothing. This blog has been left in the corner, ignored by me, like a toy the day after boxing day when the first set of batteries has gone flat. I would chastise myself, but, in mitigation, it's been a busy first few weeks of the year.

There was the Lorenzo stuff to finish off - and a jolly good PID etc was created (if I do say so myself), but that's all being left to languish in a dark filing cabinet for the time being (like this blog eh? - A pattern of my life is emerging).

Then, I treated myself to a nice shiney new iPhone, and jolly good it is too - and I've been engrossed in how it works and what jolly apps I can play with on it since I got it. Apparently it makes phone calls too. I rather like it, but the battery life is rubbish. It will do a full day OK - just about. Luckily it's easy to charge, any PC can act as a charger, as can my car etc etc. I bought myself a spiffy new clock radio for beside the bed and that's an iPhone dock too, so it charges through the night - as long as I put it into airline mode when I hook it up to stop the constant buzzing of push emails arriving.

The push email thing is jolly good, emails just arrive as they are sent. But, also jolly annoying. I can't ignore them if I am doing something else - I mean it might be life or death mightn't it? I'm not sure if emails following me everywhere and instantly available for reading and replying is enabling, or slavery.

I have also swapped my email and diary infrastructure over to the cloud! That sounds rather better than admitting I broke my Exchange server system at home setting it up to sync push emails to the iPhone and took the easy option of setting up Google apps for us to use instead.



Then, last weekend we picked up the new caravan - new to us anyway. it's a 2008 vintage Sterling Europa 620 - which for those in the know is a great big (26 feet long) twin axle thing with a fixed bed and rear washroom. Jolly nice it is too - we went to Leamington Spa in it last weekend, as a shake-down run to see how it all worked and it was fine. Apart from the awning - that I felt let it down somewhat, being old and shabby. So that's been eBayed and replaced with a nice new Dorema in Burgundy.

So now, I'm back in the grind working hard to make the money to pay for it all... Let's hope the recession is over before this contract ends in April (hahahahaha).

The Photography business has been a bit quiet since Christmas, but I've now got a couple of weddings to do this year - which is nice.

Little Elizabeth is doing really well - she had her first 'solid' food last night. I fed her, from a spoon, some ghastly looking mix of rice and milk. But she seemed to enjoy it and understood the whole swallowing something different thing. I'm so proud of her! Nicky took some pics of the whole thing, so i'll try to post them soonish.

Back in the grind

Well - firstly apologies for not posting anything for a couple of weeks. No excuses, but it's been Christmas, rotten snowy weather and I've had a bad cold.

On the plus side, I've got an iPhone and given up smoking.

The iPhone is quite brilliant. Battery life could be better - in fact it will have to be if Apple want to keep making them I suspect - but, other than that it's jolly good indeed.

The giving up smoking - well - it's been two weeks now and I'm doing OK - used patches - and still crave the odd one - usually after a meal or a meeting - but surving well and overall it's not been difficult. Odd really as when I've tried in the past I've never got past the first couple of days without a crafty puff. being ill with a terrible cough and cold probably helps. Plus with the rotten weather, who want's to stand outside and have a fag in the cold?

Twas the day before Christmas (eve)

Not written anything for a few days - it's all been a bit hectic - both at work and at home. At work, because that's the NHS way - wait until half the trust is on holiday then demand meetings and run around waving your arms in the air because an imaginary wheel has come off. In reality there is nothing that urgent (in the project management sphere) that actually getting the proper people involved to supply logical and carefully thought out answers to questions would cause a problem. At least the problems wouldn't be going off half cocked on something because you went ahead despite not knowing what it entailed.

At home - final prep for Christmas. Nicky's Mum and Dad and Sophie are our guests for Christmas lunch. We did the final 'big shop' late last night to avoid the crowds - got to the supermarket about 11 and it was a dream - full shelves and few shoppers.

I think I could do with the break, but with a 3.75 month old in the house and all the cooking to do for Christmas I dont expect to be able to relax for a moment! I'm too old for all this.

I let someone else speak for me today.

Clive James.

The man is a genius and has written what I would have written, if I'd been clever enough.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8421374.stm

See you all tomorrow - unless anyone can tell me where I can get two good value for money laptops in time for Christmas?

.

Still Chilly...

Still - it's better than being stuck on a Eurostar in a 'Harrowing Ordeal' (tm BBC News).

As you can see in this pic - these people are at their wit's end. They could snap at any moment.

Surely, sitting in a carriage, warm and snug, tea and coffee whenever you want it isn't all that harrowing? It's a bit of a pest that the train has stopped and you're going to be late, but it's not harrowing.

I expect there will be the usual hordes of bedwetters and social workers offering counselling to help them get over the terror and avoid PTSD... After all, sitting on a train for a couple of hours is so much worse than (say) being shot at and hunted every day in Helmand Province.

As you might have guessed - all this making news out of nothing at all makes me turn into Victor Meldrew.

Right - brekky for us then we are off to the Santa Special train ride - now that (I suspect) will be a harrowing ordeal...

More later.

Another dispointment.

No Snow.

Well, not yet anyway. A quiet and safe drive into work along heavily gritted roads - the council have been out all night gritting away to their heart's content - bless them.

It's probably good they've been gritting as it's cold (-3C) and would have (perhaps) been a little slippery underfoot otherwise.

Last year I don't think they bothered too much and it's made them all paranoid this year in case they get a slagging off in the Pig-Breeders Gazette (local paper).



That was last Feb... It's business as usual today.



Anyway - off to first meeting of the day in a moment (it's nearly 8:30 despite what the blogger thing says about what time I am posting this). A nice chat about how much it might cost to implement Lorenzo and whether there is any payback in it... There isn't - but it's a political imperitive to do it as the Sainted Tony came up with the idea one day and we must tear the heart out of our hospitals to make it happen - despite it being a barmy idea and the simple thought of making the current PAS systems talk to the new 'Spine' to give a single patient record was not even considered (due to the billions to be made doing it this way I suspect)...



Ho hum.



If you've got snow, enjoy it!

Christmas is starting

...and the goose is getting bone idle and cancelling meetings that have been arranged for weeks - mostly as he (or they) had managed to book a meeting totally forgetting that they might be on holiday at this time of year. So I didn't book mine as I had meetings!!!! Oh joy.

Still - it gives me some quiet time to get on with stuff. Messing around with photography - this time of year when it's a bit grotty outside is a good time to go through the pics taken during the year and do a bit of editing, playing with HDR etc.

I don't actually like taking too much time off at Christmas - it's nice at home for the festivities, but you can't go out much as it's too cold and damp - and dark by 4. So I tend to save my hols for the nicer weather.

Saturday we are booked on the Santa Special at the Grand Central Railway (Loughborough to Leicester North) - Elizabeth has demanded it - she wants to go on a steam train and see Santa...



Here she is demanding to see Santa...

We are looking forward to that....

http://www.gcrailway.co.uk/ - this is the link to where we are going and it tells you all about the railway.

We are forecast snow for this afternoon and tomorrow - not too sure whether it will happen or not, but I've got my camera in the car, just in case!

Right - on with the day - more later maybe.

First Post

Hello. It's me, Simes.



That's me on the right of the picture - with Elizabeth, the newest member of the family (and who is gorgeous - not an opinion - fact!) and Nicky, my other half and without whom I'd not be me anymore!
Not too sure what I am going to do with this blog. Perhaps it's just an attempt at a stream of consciousness or a chance to create a little something that might (google willing) outlast me - assuming that the Internet is not just another passing fad - like Furbies and Space Hoppers.

At the moment I am contracting my arse to the NHS - working on the National Programme for IT as a project manager - for however long that might last - with the Chancellor (Darling) making mad statements on the TV (or if you want to be charitable and assume he's not insane, perhaps he was just lying for effect or maybe just totally incompetent) about cancelling the project, confidence in the product is, understandably, at a bit of a low ebb round these parts.

So, as a sideline, and escape from drudgery plan, I am taking a few photo's - for hire or reward hopefully. I've sold a few portraits and am making a bit of a push to do a few more. Sadly, I am never in the right place when there is a big news story or when Gerry Halliwell visits and falls over on a banana skin - so I doubt I'll ever be a super well paid member of the paparazzi.



These two (Sophie and Elizabeth) are my lasting legacy to the human race - and I am so proud of them both - and love them both to bits. There is 22 years between them - I am a bit worried about being too old to look after Elizabeth properly - but I'm going to give it a good shot, and I know her big Sister Sophie will be around to help Mummy Nicky if anything happened to me.

I doubt I am going to find a cure for cancer, or invent a time machine or anything, but my two girls are enough legacy for me.



This is Nicky - I am a very lucky bloke. I'm older than her and a lot less attractive, but for some reason she loves me. Probably not as much as I love her, but it's what makes life worthwhile for me.


Christmas is coming (and the goose is getting fat etc etc).

We're about ready now. Just got to put up the decorations at home - we've left it a bit late for several reasons - one of which is that I've been using half the house as a studio and so there is no room for the tree, but the photography kit (lights, backdrops etc) can be packed away now as I don't think I'm going to get any more commissions before the new year.

Another reason is (I suppose) a tradition on my side of the family not to put up the decorations until after my mother's birthday (with was the 15th December). She's not been with us for 20 years now, and would have been 70 yesterday had she lived. RIP Mum.

Anyway - this weekend will be putting up the tree and stuff and generally making the house Christmassy. On Monday Sophie is coming to stay until after Christmas. So - whatever happens it's going to be a blinding Christmas - we are going to celebrate Elizabeth's first Christmas in style!

Before that all happens, tonight the boss (Malcolm) is coming to dinner. He's a nice bloke so hopefully the evening will be a pleasant mixture of talking bollocks, dining on good trencherman fare and the odd nice glass of wine or beer. On the other hand it could just end up like the 'Terry and June' episode where the boss comes to dinner - with hilarious consequences as Terry tries to hide his illegal still in the shed and June has double booked the evening with the Surbiton women's Judo Club...

As I've not got a still and live nowhere near Surbiton I suspect it will be more of the former than the latter.

Right - I'm going to save (and spell check) this first posting and then call it a day - I'll try to write something new tomorrow.

Perhaps I'll start on motorbikes or something interesting... Any tips from anyone who stumbles on this will be gratefully received.